I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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