why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
