This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
