I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
