Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
