She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
