you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
