So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
