I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
