The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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