It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
