I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
