I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
