But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
