Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
