VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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