And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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