so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
