I am puke
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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