Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
