all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
