did you get engaged???
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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