How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
