Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
