what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
