3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Verdict: uncircumcised.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
