Swine flu. Run for my life!
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
When did angry sex become our thing?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
