woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
