I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
