Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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