Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
