did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
