): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
