I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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