I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
