you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
