Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
