Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
He told me they were just razor bumps!
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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