You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
