I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
