You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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