just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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