wrigley field is MILF paradise
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
