dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Just cropdusted the office
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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