He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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