Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
