I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
