Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Randomize
