I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
