Porn is love you can see.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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