i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
