i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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