In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
