Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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