i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
