someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I need to calm my uterus...
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
