Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
