on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just blew my weed a kiss
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
