how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
